Why

It's not often that I talk about things that are affecting me personally here in Korea.  I like to keep my blog up-beat and informative about what's going on around here.  But sometimes the world beyond Korea reminds me that life is going on simultaneously as I go about my day-to-day routine.

Last week I found out that an old acquaintance of mine from middle and high school, whom I lived up the street from all my life, and even dated for a brief time in high school, died.  He was 25.  He was currently on active duty in the US Marines.  I had talked to him while he was stationed in Korea a few years ago, and he would tell me about his adventures and life here.

I've been searching for how I felt about this news, and a way that I could express my feelings that would satisfy.  But there is really no right thing to say.  Upon hearing the news, I felt upset, but mostly in the vein of anger.  I didn't know why it happened.

And as the week progressed, I tried to understand these questions:  what, why, how, who.  Sometimes there are no answers, however.  Now I feel my anger has dissolved into a thoughtful, quiet sadness.  I find myself reflecting on old memories from awkward teenage years, from high school, from summers during college.

I find myself wondering:  if I had kept in contact more, could I have been a better friend?  What happens when someone you know becomes someone you knew?


I'm not dwelling on the "what ifs" though.  Just bittersweetly thinking about the memories.

This song popped into my head today as I was thinking about you.  I hope you're at peace where you are.  This is for you Chris.