Food Cravings...

The closer I get to going home, the more I start thinking about what foods I am looking forward to eating again.  Korea has welcomed a lot of new foods and avenues of cooking in the past few years, but there are still a few things that it doesn't have just yet.

I'm fortunate enough to be arriving home in time for Easter dinner, which means I can try and combat my impending jet lag with my mom's ham, mashed potatoes and gravy, biscuits, corn, and collard greens.  But what about after that?

Instead of visions of sugarplums dancing in my head, I think it's more like Bojangles biscuits, pulled pork barbecue sandwiches, and frozen yogurt that fuel my food fantasies.  With every day crossed off on my calendar, I think of another food that I can't wait to eat.  It's said that being in Korea can erase a lot of your food cravings, and that is true.  But some cravings never go away, no matter how much time or distance you put between yourself and those treats.

When I sat down and actually thought about making a list, I was surprised at what ended up on the list, especially when I let my mind wander to all the things that you can't readily get over here.  For example, I am stoked for Mexican food at some of my favorite restaurants at home--with fresh cilantro and limes!  Korea has a bevy of different places you can eat Mexican food (or some version thereof), but most of those places are located in Seoul, which can be quite a trek for anyone not living nearby.

And while I've become used to the Korean version of Chinese food, what I wouldn't give for some "American food court style" Chinese, complete with egg rolls and spicy mustard.  I'm crossing my fingers that the delicious buffet near my house is still open.

The one thing that I haven't been able to have in Korea since Hard Rock Cafe in Itaewon closed:  pulled pork barbecue.  Whether you take it with the tangy vinegar sauce or on the sweeter side with a tomato-based sauce, either way it's delicious with some coleslaw, hush-puppies, and a cold glass of sweet tea.  Give me that or a Bojangles chicken biscuit for a pregame meal, and I'm in heaven.

I also am looking forward to having more variety in the cereal aisle.  As anyone who's ever gone shopping in a grocery store in Korea can attest, the range of cereal available is sad.  Most of the options are the sugary kinds geared towards kids, with few options in the healthy category.  It's gotten better over the past few years with the addition of more Tesco brand cereals, but I am still missing brands like Cheerios, Kix, Chex, and Raisin Bran.  (A box or two of Lucky Charms would be nice, too!)

Another thing I miss a lot is a variety in chocolate candy.  Chocolate you buy here tastes different than chocolate you would get back home, and lacks that "oomph" in the flavor I enjoy.  I recently received some mint chocolate that was made back home as a gift, and the taste between that and a Market-O chocolate was quite different.  Plus, there are some candies that haven't made the jump across the ocean yet. I've only ever come across Reese's Peanut Butter Cups twice in my time in Korea, and both times the price was shocking.  That's the beauty of places like Target and WalMart I suppose!  I also miss York Peppermint Patties and Baby Ruth's.

While living in Korea has eliminated some of my cravings, some can never be forgotten.  Not only am I looking forward to enjoying those foods soon, I get to try and exercise the important skill of moderation with re-introducing those foods to my diet.  Unfortunately, I learned the hard way during my first visit that it isn't easy to go back and eat the way you used to at home.  Certainly more prepared this time around.  

Another Year Older

Sometimes you just gotta take a break from it all and relax.  That's what I've been enjoying the past few weeks while on vacation from school.  There's been plenty of time for sleep--which I desperately needed to finally kick this cold I've had for weeks.  And also time for reading and catching up on all the TV shows from home I'd fallen behind on over the past few months.  Not to mention plenty of time to clean, pack my things, and go to the gym without worrying about lessons, classes, or school schedules.  It almost feels like being a kid again, waking up during school breaks without an alarm and deciding what to do with the day.

While I've been enjoying the time off and a lack of stress, I've also been looking ahead.  I just celebrated my 29th birthday on Wednesday (and now I'm 30 in Korea!)  But I'm not worried about it; I neither feel nor look old so that's a plus.  It is weird to think about, however.  A lot has changed since I was 24 and new to Korea.  I've changed a lot.  I've watched a lot of things in Korea change as well.

What does it mean to get older, though?  Is it adding another candle to the birthday cake?  Relishing in signs of age or trying to hide them?  Is it shedding old behaviors/ideas/goals and gathering new ones in their place?  Do we change the people who are a part of our lives or try to change ourselves to fit better with them?  I have tried my best to not change myself for other people, but I have made a few mistakes here and there, and learned from them as much as possible.  These days I've been trying to think about what I need to do for myself, to make myself happy instead of trying to make everyone else happy first.  A friend of mine recently remarked that I had spent so much time accommodating everyone's needs that I forgot about my own.  So this year, the last year of my twenties, I made a pledge to myself that I would take more time to focus on "me" things: goals, happiness, inspiration, creativity, emotional & physical health, and knowledge.

Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.  

- Lucille Ball

I had my three and four month post-surgery check-ups recently.  Everything is still going well with the healing; my eyes are clear and there are no problems.  The dryness is getting better as time goes on and winter starts to wind to a close, so my eyes are getting clearer.  My next (and last) check-up is at the end of next month before I go home.  Can't believe that it's been over four months already since I had surgery, and less than two months until home, but the past few months have passed quickly thanks to reduced teaching time at school and vacation.  I'll head back to school for a week next week, then onto a few weeks of spring vacation before the new school year.  Right now my current (slight) irritation is working out flight details, and trying to find a compromise with my school.  Crossing my fingers that it will work out in the end!

Welcome 2013

Time to turn over new leaves, make new plans, pledge new resolutions, and begin another year with fresh outlooks.  I hope the new year is getting off to a good start for you, and that this year will bring you what you want to accomplish.

Now that we've rolled over into the new year the reality of going home is getting much closer, and more tangible.  The last day of classes for the semester was Friday, December 28th.  Right now I am in the middle of English camp with a handful of students and a few co-teachers, but once that ends next Tuesday I'm on vacation for the rest of January.  During that time I'll have to start my packing for real, instead of just sorting things into piles for selling, donating, and mailing home.  I also plan on checking out both the Tim Burton exhibit at the Seoul Museum of Art, as well as a performance of "Phantom of the Opera" if I can swing it.  Not to mention picking up some last-minute gifts for people at home.

In February the students will come back for a few days prior to the Grade 3's graduating, then there are two more weeks of spring vacation.  The new school year starts March 4th, and by then I will only have four weeks left!  I am trying to figure out what I will do with the students because we will have such a short time together, and they won't be getting a replacement foreign teacher after I leave.  GEPIK cut their budget again this year, and is discontinuing most foreign teachers in middle and high schools in Gyeonggi Province for the 2013-2014 school year.  Only positions that were funded by city halls or the school's own budget will be kept on after this current contract.  I saw that about 200 jobs in Suwon alone were cut, including my school. Not only that, but my school also cut the entire department that I am a part of--the international department. Next school year the students won't be studying any languages other than Korean, whereas this year they could study English, Chinese, or Japanese.  It seems that there will be a lot of changes coming up at this school, and I hope that they will start to think of the students' education more than before.

***

What are your goals/plans/desires for 2013?  Have you made a list of resolutions yet?  I'm working on a set of goals and things I'd like to do this year:

• Travel more in the US
• Go to NYC
• Go to Washington, D.C.
• Visit Arlington to see my grandfather's grave
• Go to San Francisco
• Visit my grandparents
• Be a big kid and go to WDW/The Wizarding World of Harry Potter
• Go to the beach in NC
• Homecoming in Chapel Hill
• Re-visit Franklin St and all my favorite places with friends
• Become fluent again in Spanish
• Learn more songs on the guitar
• Write more
• Visit a new country
• Work out at least 3 times a week
• Learn a new skill/hobby
• Improve on current hobbies
• Start a new job/get started in my career
• Read 15 books
• Ring in 2014 with people I love

These are just the things that I can think of at the moment.  I'm sure as the year goes on, I will add more goals and things to this list, as well as check them off one by one.  And on December 31st, we'll see how successful and fulfilling the year was!



*pictures from WeHeartIt*

100 Days...

Today was the 18th South Korean Presidential Election.  Here it happens every five years, compared to every four in the US.  The main battle was between Park Geun-hye and Moon Jae-in, but it seems Park Geun Hye is winning the election.  And this is with the ballots all cast by hand, with stamps on paper.  It must be a tiring job for all the ballot counters!  South Korea saw a 75.8% voter turnout among the eligible population.  I saw pictures of people taking boats from remote islands to their voting locations on the local news stations; that is pretty hardcore.  Taking into consideration the current numbers, Park Geun Hye will become the first female president, and is the daughter of Park Chung-hee, a former president of Korea responsible for the military coup in 1961.  While many people in Seoul, Busan, Daejeon, Daegu, and the northern provinces prefer Park, voters in the southern provinces and Jeju, along with younger voters, prefer Moon.  The article I linked to above gives some more detail into the election if you'd like to read more.

I can't imagine how people watching the election results here must feel.  It could possibly be similar to how I was feeling back in November and watching the results of the US election roll in online.  With such close elections, you can't help but sit on the edge of your seat, waiting to see what happens.  I just wish that US voter turnout could be as high as it was here today.  The final number for 2012 hasn't been declared but the estimates I read online put it at around 52 percent, lower than in 2008.  What will it take to get more people fired up and passionate about voting in the States?  And when can we hope for our own female president to be elected?

I asked some of my Korean friends and co-teachers who they thought would be a better president for South Korea and got mixed answers.  Then I asked them who they thought would be a better president to work with President Obama.  They weren't sure.  I suppose we'll just have to wait and see how things work out after the new year and the presidential inaugurations take place.

While I won't be around to experience first-hand the effects of the new Korean presidency, I know that I'll be following what happens to the friends that I will leave behind.  Today, December 19th, also happens to mark 100 days that I have left in Korea.  After almost five years, time is coming to a close for me in the Land of Morning Calm.  Yikes!  I will miss all the great people and good things about Korea, but there are also things about Korea I won't miss.  (Squatter toilets, anyone?)

Now my thoughts are turning to:

Packing

Selling my things

Packing

Mailing boxes home by boat

Buying gifts for people at home

Studying for the PRAXIS 

Job-hunting in NC

Packing

Doing everything in Korea I didn't get the chance to yet

Wrapping up loose ends

Packing

Cleaning

Winter camp and March lessons

Months ago I never thought I would make it through this past year.  There were a lot of struggles and problems with this job, days that I was just ready to throw in the towel and get the heck out of here.  Until my awesome co-teacher showed up, I was miserably bored, just waiting for the day to finish so I could go do something fun.  She changed a lot of that for me and made the difficult parts more fun.  Right now she is on bed rest because of an accident and won't be back at school until possibly February.  Luckily it's the end of the semester and the next 1.5 months are vacation.  I hope that she will be well enough to return before I leave, because I enjoy her company so much.  And I hope that in the end, my school and I will be able to be civil enough to complete the contract with both parties getting what they want.

One hundred days, Korea.  Let's see what they bring.

When Does it Feel Like Winter?

The thermometer tells me that winter is coming.  (Cue GoT music.)  The first snowfall has hit South Korea and its remnants still cause me to slip and slide everywhere.  Right now, my students and co-teachers are running around complaining about the cold and blasting the heat while I'm wondering what the fuss is about.  It's not really cold yet--just wait until late December/January/February.  I wonder what everyone will be saying then...

Being from NC, winter isn't as snowy and white as I'd like.  But it has its own subtle signs; frost on the windows in the morning when trying to start your car, slight icy patches on the road where the sun is absent, and of course, special edition holiday coffees at Starbucks.  For me, winter wasn't really winter until it read freezing or below on the thermometer, and I had a hot peppermint mocha to take away the chill.

You could always tell that Christmas was on its way, no matter if the weather cooperated or not.  Christmas decorations started appearing in stores, holiday music was piped in on speakers or over the radio, and Christmas-themed advertisements aired on TV.  Not to mention all the sales papers that fell out of the Sunday paper with a resounding thunk.

Yes, Christmas is more materialistic and commercial than it is about the people involved.  It's sad that more emphasis is placed on getting the best deal on Christmas presents after Thanksgiving than spending time with the people to whom you were going to give those presents.  And while I didn't grow up in a religious family, I still take time to remember who is the reason for the season, in my own quiet way.

In Korea, Christmas is a couples' holiday and largely absent of the hustle and bustle and celebration that precedes it back home.  There are Christmas trees and decorations you can buy, but the constant bombardment of music and advertising is largely absent here.  It's almost too quiet.

While I don't miss all the advertising noise, I do miss the little signs of what makes it Christmas and winter.  From my experience over the past few years in Korea, winter is very cruel mistress here.  Snow is more plentiful than what I am used to, and I can revel in the beauty of it.  But it's the "after" that makes it not so fun.

***

My mom always used to laugh when the first "snow" would hit my hometown growing up, joking that "Southerners don't know how to deal with snow.  Oh, gotta go buy all the bread and milk from the store because we'll be snowed in for five days!"  (We only ever got snowed in once in NC, that was in January 2000 when a record 18 inches fell.  I remember this snow very vividly as it caused my 16th birthday party to be cancelled.)  You see, my mom grew up living in Minnesota and northern Wisconsin for most of her life.  She had seen some amazing snowfalls and knew just how to deal with snow.  But she couldn't understand the people who lost their minds and ceased to remember how to drive or behave rationally when it snowed.  Every year (until its engine finally gave out and it was too costly to replace) my mom's trusty Saab Turbo 900 made the charge up the icy/snowy hill with ease while other neighbors were forced to abandon their cars at the bottom and walk the rest of the way home.  Mom 1, Snow 0.

In a way, I sometimes feel like when it comes to driving and acting like rational people in a snowfall, Koreans remind me very much of Southerners.  Instead of slowing their speed to a more reasonable level because of reduced visibility or slick spots, I've watched many people take the opposite approach and drive faster and more erratically.  Riding in the back of a taxi when it does that is not a ride you want to repeat.  In that situation I'd rather have control of my life in my hands!

***

Back home, winter always meant putting up the tree, cleaning out the ashes from last year's fires and stocking new wood, and baking, baking, baking.  I can't recall a single Sunday morning during the winter that I wouldn't wake up at home to the smell of something delicious being made.  My mom loves baking and cooking, and it is from her that I learned everything that has kept me from going hungry on my own in Korea.  I owe her a lot for that.

There are special cookies and treats my mom would make only when winter and the holidays rolled around. It included, but was not limited to: secret family recipe cut-out cookies, soft ginger molasses cookies, almond bark cookies, fudge, pumpkin pie, pecan pie, truffles, and potato pancakes.  

Some of my best memories of winter were of helping my mom make the goodies, then sitting down with a treat and a fresh of coffee to work on the crossword together.  Those are moments that I miss these days more than ever, with the holiday season in full swing.  Those are moments when it felt like "winter" to me.

***

And so I ask you, when does it feel like winter to you?  Is it the change in temperature?  The first snow?  Digging out the heavy coat, scarf, hat, and gloves?  Or are there special foods or traditions that bring winter to mind?

Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

It's weird.  For the first time in a long while I am not thinking about renewing with a school or combing the job boards for available positions in Korea.  I started getting emails from recruiting companies with lists of schools looking for the upcoming months, but I deleted them without even thinking of opening them.

Instead I find myself pouring over open jobs for NC, assessing the employment situation for my home state and going through my PRAXIS books, wondering what else I need to review in preparation for next year.  The good news is that elementary school teachers (the field I want to go into) are in demand, more than in previous years.  Before now, I cringed at the thought of going home because I didn't know yet what I wanted to do.  Now, I am ready for the day when I can close the book on my time in Korea and start the next chapter in my life.

I can't guarantee it will be easy or without struggle.  I can't say if things will go the way I want them.  I can't guarantee that I won't have a moment or two where I want to escape to a foreign country.  But I made the decision before I returned this year that it would be my last in Korea, and I'm sticking to that, no matter what awaits me at home.  Having given Korea a good chunk of my life, I'm ready to appreciate where I came from so much more.

Through everything, and even with this past year's situation being less than ideal, Korea has taught me a lot about myself.  It's taught me the value of human relationships.  I know that having lived as a foreigner in a country where many avenues of life are difficult to get into, I will never again look at those who come to the US for a new life the same way again.  Language, laws, religion, politics, health care, social status, education--all of these issues carry new meaning for me.  Talk about a real eye-opening experience.

Even with the uncertainty surrounding the 2012 Presidential Election and what may happen in the following months, I know that no matter the outcome, I will do my best to find a way to live back home.  I owe it to myself to give it a fighting chance.  I've been putting "real life" off as long as I have been living in Korea; now is the time for me to get back into the swing of things, whatever the future brings.

“Traveling is a brutality. It forces you to trust strangers and to lose sight of all that familiar comfort of home and friends. You are constantly off balance. Nothing is yours except the essential things – air, sleep, dreams, the sea, the sky – all things tending towards the eternal or what we imagine of it.” – Cesare Pavese

Those Crisp Autumn Nights

Over the past few weeks the weather has been taking a turn for colder temps, and the leaves are changing once again, heralding the arrival of my favorite time of year:  fall!

The joy (and sometimes frustration) of not teaching from a set curriculum is making up your own lessons.  That being said, my favorite time of year has played heavily into the lessons for the past few weeks.  We kicked off with an introduction into what fall meant (changing weather, leaves, different clothes) and are now exploring traditions and holidays of fall, along with food!

Something that got a lot of students' attention was the NC State Fair.  Korea is rife with festivals; they seem to have one or another going on every week.  But even with all the different festivals that I have been to in Korea, nothing holds quite the same feeling and excitement that the State Fair does.  For the most part, amusement rides are separate from festivals here, instead residing at one of the actual amusement parks like Lotte World or Everland.  My students were impressed to see that at the State Fair we combine our rides, food, music, displays, and animals all into one big package.

They were equally impressed (and some disgusted) with the array of food consumed at the State Fair.  Showing pictures of deep-fried Oreo cookies, turkey legs, chocolate-covered bacon, and funnel cake elicited reactions ranging from professions of love to groans of hunger to confusion.  Some students commented that Americans eat strange foods.  Of course, that sparked another discussion on what is considered weird food.  Koreans have been known to eat some foods that many Americans would consider strange, too!

I also introduced them to fall sports in the US, including my favorites:  college football and basketball.  For that, I pulled down some great moments of Carolina sports history from YouTube to show them.  As a an example of showing how much fans can love a team, I showed them the end of the Miami-UNC game where Connor Barth kicked that awesome field goal to give UNC the win.  The students were surprised to see the fans storming the field and taking down the goalposts, as they had never witnessed Koreans doing anything like that.  (Of course in their defense, there isn't much to tear down and carry off in soccer, baseball, or taekwondo like a football goalpost.)

While going over these activities with my students, I couldn't help but feel this overwhelming sense of homesickness.   I've been pretty good about trying to keep it in check before I go home, but occasionally it hits me.  I think about all these moments that make up a small part of American culture (the part that I grew up with) and how I haven't really gotten to experience them in person for a long time.  Then I think about how next year I will be fortunate enough to get to see my friends and family and have these moments again for real instead of reading about them on Facebook, and I am happy once more.


What am I looking forward to next fall, living back in the States?

• Football games in Kenan Stadium
• Late Night with Roy and the basketball team at the Smith Center
• Basketball season
• Walking in the quad under a canopy of autumn leaves and Carolina blue skies
• Heading to Franklin Street for a Carolina reunion with friends
• North Carolina State Fair
• Fair food!
• Crisp nights with the smell of wood fires burning
• Starbucks Pumpkin Lattes
• Daily Grind coffee
• Halloween
• Halloween candy
• First Thanksgiving at home in 5 years!
• Thanksgiving dinner
• My mom's pumpkin pie
• Getting ready for Christmas with my family and friends
• Celebrating friends' birthdays in person
• Traveling the US to visit wayward friends

There's so many other things I'm looking forward to, but that's a list for another post.

The Low Point, An Affirmation, Answering the Call

Today I hit the lowest point of my time here in Korea.

There are a lot of good things about Korea, and there are also bad things. I like to lean to the positive side and see most things about Korea as good, and not complain too much about what bothers me here. But today, at the lowest point in all my experiences here, I had never felt so negative about Korea as I did.

I was standing in a packed crowd watching dancers perform onstage as part of the Busan International Dance Festival. There was nowhere to move where I stood, and more people kept coming to watch the show. An adjumma came up from behind me and wanted to stand in the exact spot where I was already standing, so she decided she was going to shove me out of the way. I stood my ground and told her in Korean that I was already there first and that there was nowhere else I would move. She kept trying to shove me aside but I wasn't having it, and I wasn't going to budge from the spot where I was standing long before she came along. I explained again, still in polite Korean, that I wouldn't move since it was physically impossible. She apparently became frustrated that I wasn't going to be able to magically remove myself from that spot, and raised her hand to slap me across the head. I put up my hand to block hers and said (in some not-so-polite Korean) that if she slapped me I would hit her back. (My mom was the only one who could smack me across the head and that was if I had sassed her, which did not happen often.) Cue an angry staring contest and more not-so-polite Korean on both sides. Finally she broke her glare and stopped trying to steal my spot, instead pushing the person to my left and causing her to stumble out of the way. The adjumma continued up through the crowd, shoving people out of the way. She even pushed a child off the edge of the platform he was standing on into the sand below, causing him to cry in fright.

Later on in the performance, she came walking back the other way and stopped to glare at me. I glared back, communicating with my eyes what would happen should she try something again. She kept moving on and then left completely.

Usually, I'm pretty respectful of the cultural differences here, and I understand that there is a system of how things work in Korea. I won't say that I agree with the system but I know that it's there as a part of Korean history and tradition.

But today the system went a little too far for me, and I almost snapped back on it in the worst way. I would never want to resort to violence as a means of accomplishing anything, so I was initially surprised at my reaction.

Thinking about it more after the fact, I know that it's a sign. It's another sign that it is time for me to go home to NC. I've been in Korea long enough now that the sheen of everything I love about this country is beginning to dull. I don't want to become one of those people that hates everything about Korea and complains about it incessantly, so the best thing is to let this chapter of my life come to an end. Five years in Korea is a long time, and more than most English teachers spend here. The exceptions are those who marry Koreans, start businesses here, or see teaching ESL in Korea as a career. I fall into none of those categories.

I know now that I want to be a teacher; I've figured that out. I have even learned that I no longer want to teach high school, which was my plan when I went into college studying English. Now that I've had the opportunity to experience high school teaching, in addition to my other experiences, elementary school is where I want to be teaching. I know that I have so much more to learn about how to teach, and I need to go learn that. But I can't really do that in Korea. If I want to be a licensed teacher in NC, I need to go home and get my license. Whether it is through grad school or lateral entry, I need to be home to do that.

It's not just a need to be home to study and work as a teacher, but also a want to be home. I worry about my grandparents getting older, as I have witnessed many coworkers dealing with the death of their grandparents and other family while living here. I have missed far too many weddings and birthdays and babies, and Facebook is no longer keeping me as in the loop as I would like it to. Friends become harder to connect with the more time we spend apart, merely because their lives seem to move 2x as fast as they used to. I want to be there more for my friends. I want to be there more for my family. I saw that the last time I visited in March. The older I've become, the more of a bond I have formed with my mom. We went through a long period of time when we weren't very close when I was in college, but now we are on a better track.

I have a sneaking suspicion my brother might be getting married in the next year or two, and I want to be there for that. There's a long list of friends and places to visit in the US that I intend to check off, one by one. But to do that, I need (and want) to be home.

North Carolina, with your mountains and beaches, your blue skies so bright it hurts to look at them, your summer thunderstorms and mild winters, country music, pork BBQ, sweet tea, and biscuits--you're calling me home, louder than ever. I heard it when I was home in March. I read it between the lines of every message and email from family and friends. I hear it in the twang of a Southern accent over the phone. I hear it, I feel it, I see it calling. And I'm answering your call.

Real Life

Real life has gotten in the way of blogging, much to my disappointment.  I apologize for anyone who has been wondering where I've gone to and when I would be back again with a new post.  Here I am.

I feel like I've been in a state of flux since November, with school stuff, friends, extracurricular activities, and every day life.

The hardest part of it all has been school.  Imagine my surprise when my school chose not renew my contract for another year, as well as the contracts of a few other female teachers.  The principal had chosen instead to hire several new male teachers, even though the current teachers now had experience working with the school. The decision left some of the other teachers baffled and confused as to the reasoning behind it, and it left me reeling.  To me, it felt like a slap in the face.  Had my teaching not been good enough?  Was I not a good enough teacher to warrant a renewal after all?  Was my desire for teaching and my appreciation for my students not enough?

All these questions and more went through my brain, and in some way, still do.  In the States, there are laws that prevent this kind of thing from happening, but in Korea, traditional mindsets rule.  I'm uncertain if this had anything to do with the principal's decision but whatever the reason, I've been trying to move past it and see what is next.  Easier said than done, of course, and not without struggle or feeling depressed.

As a result, I've been questioning what exactly I want to do with my time in Korea.  Do I want to stay longer?  Is it time to go home?  Have I learned what I can from my experiences?  Am I ready to start the next chapter of my life?  If so, what is the next chapter?

This year I turned 28.  I arrived in Korea in 2008, when I was 24.  At that time, I had been out of college for almost 2 years, working as a teacher assistant/tutor in a local elementary school but not making a lot of money doing it.  After several unsuccessful applications to graduate programs for a master's in English Education, I wasn't sure if teaching was something I really wanted to do anymore.  Cue an email about teaching in Korea.  It seemed so far-fetched and foreign at the time.  However, a little part of me started thinking...what would be so bad about living in another country for a year, making/saving money, not paying for an apartment or car, and learning about teaching ESL?  It would definitely help me decide if teaching was what I really wanted to do for the rest of my life.

Not knowing much about Korea or teaching, I took a leap of faith and jumped right into a new adventure.  I was determined to learn what I could as I went along, and take things as they came.  Some people might have thought I was crazy doing it, but the time I've had here has taught me more about living than what I would have gained at home.  Living in a foreign country gave me a kind of independence that I hadn't felt before, making all my own decisions about how I wanted to do things.  I called all my own shots about grocery shopping, travel, even what I would do outside of work in my free time.

I thought it would only a be a year.  One year of my time and I would return to NC ready to see what my life had in store for me next.  Little did I know that year would pass quickly and lead to another.

Now after 4 years in Korea I'm on the fence regarding what to do next.  My plan was to stay for another year with my current school and then head home in 2012, but recent events have made me reconsider.  After much debating and thinking, I decided to stay one more year, but go into the public school system.  This would be similar to teaching back home, and with the benefits of vacation and higher pay, more enjoyable.

My plan after that is to head back to NC to get my teaching license.  Originally I wanted to be a high school English teacher, but teaching here has changed my perspective on younger students.  All my experience in Korea has been with elementary and middle school students, and I feel like this will help me in teaching these age groups in the States.  This year will be spent preparing to return to NC, studying for my PRAXIS exam(s), applying to grad school and lateral entry programs, and wrapping up my time in Korea.  It's been a good few years in the land of morning calm but I feel in my heart that it's time to bid farewell to this country that's been my adopted home.  There's so much more I want to do, and I can't do it all here.  I've been putting my career and life on hold while living 7000 miles from home, watching friends marry, move away, have babies, start jobs, and live their everyday lives--experiencing these changes through phone calls, emails, and Facebook posts.  Even being in the "future" I still feel stuck backwards in time, finding out about things long after they happened.  I want things to happen in real time.  I want to go back to the place that is calling me home.  I want to go back to the land of the long-leaf pines, Outer Banks, the Appalachian Mountains, Chapel Hill, crisp autumn nights and summer thunderstorms, sweet tea, barbecue, WalMart, Target, shopping malls, family, friends, my house....the list goes on and on.

This post is long in coming, but sometimes real life gets in the way.  Sometimes our lives get in the way of other things we should be doing, but just don't know it yet.

It's time I stopped living on pause and started living on go again.